Hi, guys, and welcome to today’s session. My name is Gilles Brideau. I’m a psychotherapist, coach and hypnotist that lives and works in Ontario, Canada.
The question I thought I’d answer today, because I get asked it, especially from new clients, is I want to be happy, or how do I get to happy, which is a really great question. We’re going to address this in a couple ways. The first is really how to set up the framework to get to happy, and the second one is a kind of daily activities that will help change your frame in which you see the world.
The first is when clients say that I want to get to happy, I usually say, “Okay, in order to get to happy, what do you want to deal with first? The future, which is fear, of the past, which is usually sadness or anger?” I know for a lot of my clients, they either really worry about tomorrow and are anxious, or they have a hard time letting go of past hurts, regrets, anger, resentments, which usually involve the past. A lot of time I’ll just kind of suggest to them is “I want to definitely help you get there, but what issue do you think we need to deal with first, the unpredictability of the future and your high need for certainty, or is it more dealing with the past and maybe feeling significant wants again, or feeling reconnected with yourself or the world around you?” That could be with a partner, a community, a family, or what-not. But it’s by looking at these two directions, the past and the future, and freeing them, not having any more blocks, that you’re able to really rejoice in the moment, which is today.
What happens with a lot of people is that they spend so much time in yesterday or too much time in tomorrow that they kind of … Today is just kind of left in toxicity. Kind of a really gross way to think about this is if you have a foot in tomorrow and a foot in yesterday, you’re peeing. Or the other one, all over today. We just kind of look at what do you think we need to address.
That’s the first thing. Usually, with that there’s a whole bunch of different strategies that I’ve used with people, from hypnosis to cognitive behavior, like changing your way of thinking, which I’ve done other videos about. It really depends on the person, where they’re at, and what the issue is.
The second tip I want to look at is just kind of how to set up a framework for each and every day. Oftentimes that involves just asking better questions. Now, I’d like to say that I’m the originator of this thought and this breakthrough, but I’m not. I think I’ve recently posted or I have posted in my videos that I’ve gone to see Tony Robbins, and he talks about asking better questions, and by asking better questions, instead of these ones, “Why do we get out of bed? Why do I even bother? I hate my job? Why do I even go there?” You brain will search for reasons and justifiers to answer those questions, usually using the rational part of your mind, which most of the time wrong. It just kind of justifies status quo. If your status quo is that I don’t really want to get out of bed, I don’t really want to do anything, or a negative state of mind, it will work hard to maintain that state.
The average person has about 22,000 thoughts per day. Just think about that for a minute. 22,000 thoughts. What if the majority of yours are negative? You can then understand how your frame of mind would then be negative. So the task that I was given when I was at my workshop was to just change your frame slightly every day. It is often suggested that you do this activity while going for a walk. Walking is just kind of a great way to start your day, clear you mind, and it kind of gives you perspective on the day. Now, you can understand as we work our way through these questions, it’s just kind of a great platform for the day, because it sets you in a different, much different, mindset to prepare yourself for whatever may come your way.
So the questions kind of flow this way. What I’m I happy about in my life right now? What am I happy about in my life right now? What about that specifically makes me happy? How does that make me feel? I know for some of my clients, they struggled with this one, because he said, “Well, I’m not really happy about anything.” Well, what could you be happy about? People say sometimes, well, that’s just a play on words, but, no, it’s a little bit more. It’s about getting creative and resourceful. What could you be happy about? “Well, I guess I could be happy that my holidays are coming up.” “Okay. What would you be looking forward to on your holiday.” “Well, I’m going to see my best friend.” “What about that makes you happy?” “He or she is a really important part of my life.” “How does that make you feel when you’re with them?” “Kind of connected.” “Okay, good.”
You see how you can really change the frame a little bit. The first question is about happiness. The second one is “What am I excited about today?” Same thing: “Nothing.” “What could you be excited about?” “Well, it’s Thursday, so the weekend is coming up.” “Okay, what about the weekend makes you excited?” Then kind of the same thing. “What are you excited about in your life right now, and what about that makes you excited, and how does that make you feel?” See, the format around the follow-up questions are really the same. Don’t worry, I will have all the questions written down below in the explanation section.
Question three: What am I proud about in my life right now? What am I proud about? What about that make you proud? For a lot of my clients, it’s their sobriety. So I ask specifically, what about that makes you proud? “That I’ve really overcome major obstacles that many people that many people struggle and are challenged by.” “Cool. When you think about that, that you’re one of the very few gifted people, strong people, courageous people, that have managed to turn their life around, how does that make you feel?” “Pretty proud.” Yeah. You can really see how that changes the frame.
Next: what am I grateful about in my life right now. Gratitude is a little bit harder. I’ve changed the wording a little, because clients find this word much more helpful: Who do I, what or who, do I appreciate in my life right now, and what about that makes me grateful? “I appreciate my partner, because she’s loyal, because she’s funny, she has the ability to make me laugh, to feel connected.” “Great. What about that makes you grateful?” “I’m grateful that I have a partner who’s really kind of a life partner. She’s more of a soul mate.” “Good. How does that make you feel?” “Grateful.”
Okay. What do you enjoy most in your life right now? Maybe it’s Game of Thrones. Who knows? But what do you enjoy most? Enjoying most that hunting season is open or that hockey season is about to start. I’m enjoying most of the friendships that I’ve recently made or a course I’m taking right now. Whatever that may be. What about that brings you joy or that you enjoy? Lastly, how does that make you feel?
Two more left. Who or what am I committed to in my life right now? What are you committed to? I’m committed to my partner. I’m committed to my kids. I’m committed to my hockey season or my hockey team. Whatever it may be. What about that makes you committed? With hockey, if I give my word, I’m going to play no matter what. When you have that, how does that make you feel, or how do other people appreciate that in you? It’s still the same questions.
The last one: Who do I love, and who loves me? When you think about who do you love and who loves me, how does that make you feel? How does it feel to be loved? That’s it. With these questions, you can really see that if you’re doing about a 20 minute walk, which we’ve talked about before in how to relieve stress quickly in my stress management video, if you do this for 20 minutes and you shift your focus up and start to imagine how it would be like to have these questions answered, by the end of walk, you’re feeling grateful, you’re feeling excited, you’re feeling loved, you’re feeling much more positive. That’s quick way to kind of get you grounded in the moment. Remember we talked it’s not about the past or the future, it’s about being right now. So with every step you take, with every breath you take, it allows you to be more in the moment and therefore be more content.
That’s it. Just some quick tips today. I hope this has been helpful. I’d love to hear from you. Please leave me a like, a comment, a question, videos you’d like to see coming. With that, thanks so much for joining me today, and I wish you all the best. Have a great day.