Hi, and welcome to today’s video. I am Gilles Brideau. I’m a hypnotherapist coach and psychotherapist that lives and works in Sudbury, Ontario, Canada.
The reason we are brought together today is how to deal specifically with an addition issue. This is specific strategy I’ve been using probably for a good 15 to 18 years of working with people. It’s something I picked up along the way. I think it was at a workshop. I’ve kind of molded it and changed it a little bit to kind of fit my own personality, but I’ve found that it’s been very effective in terms of creating a client-centered approach, which is the focus is primarily on you if you’re struggling with an addition issues.
How this will start is simply with a question. What I’d like you to do is just kind of set everything aside and just kind of zoom in and focus in on the question that I’m about to ask you. When I ask you this question, just simply let it sink in. Don’t dismiss it too quickly, don’t kind of go “Who the hell is this guy to tell me this stuff,” just kind of let it sink in just for a second. Okay? Ready? The question is this: Starting today and for the rest of your life, you can never ever use again. Just like that sink in. Whatever your substance of choice, whether that’s alcohol, cannabis, cocaine, heroin, just let that sink in. Starting today and for the rest of your life, you can never ever use again.
Now, I’m sure you have different kinds of emotions, things from fear to anger, like “Who the hell is this guy to tell me that I can’t use anymore,” and that’s good, that’s right where it to be. The first thing that we’re going to look at is just your relationship to your substance. That’s really what we’re going to examine today. Whenever I put this on the board, a lot of people say “Oh, no, he’s going to get me to write to it.” Kind of. Just my format is very specific, and I’ll give you an example of a real life client that I’ve had, and hopefully you’ll find that beneficial in terms of your own work.
It start with a “Dear blank.” Here you would put alcohol, cannabis, cocaine, lover, whatever it might be. We start with “People are saying that we should never see each other anymore.” Okay? Who are these people? Well, five minutes ago that was me, saying you can never use again. People in your life might be significant others, it might be teachers, it might be parole officers, it might be probation officers. It could be a whole bunch of things. Might be family members. But people are talking, especially if you’re watching this video, people are talking and saying something’s got to change, something’s got to give.
When you are given this statement just a couple seconds ago by me, “That makes me …” whatever the feeling is there for you. If essentially you were pissed that I gave you that statement, or it created fear within you, or it created anxiety, that is the correct response. I want you to write about that. “It made me angry.” “It made me fearful.” “It made me upset.” How do you feel when people challenge you on your substance use?
Next statement is I want to know what you love about it. Almost everybody, especially if you have an addiction issue, will challenge you about how bad it is and how you need to make changes and if you really loved me you would make changes. I want to know the opposite. I want to know what you love about it. Okay? You love the fact that it makes Friday night in Sudbury so much more interesting; it allows you to tune out when your parents ramble on and on and on about the same stuff over and over again. Whatever it may be. It gives you the courage to talk in social situations. What does it give you? What is the positive function.
Next, this could be what does or what did it take away. Here, it’s more how has that relationship to the substance cost you. Has it cost you friendships? Has it cost you a job? Has it cost you freedom? This is what I mean: for some of my clients it’sthat they end up in jail or probation or both. But for a lot of my clients, especially my young clients, what they would typically say is “You know what? It’s not really affecting me too bad.” I look at freedom this way. Remember when you were eight or nine or ten and you used to say to your mom “Mom, I’m going over to Billy’s house,” and she would say “Okay, no problem”. But now what do you get? You get the look in the eyes, like “Are you using today. Your eyes seem a little red.” You get the 150 questions. I call that freedom. Is that now gone for you? So what did it take away?
Next, based on all of this, what is your decision. Notice the first word: my or your. It needs to be your decision, because in the work with me, it doesn’t really matter to me that you use or don’t use. I don’t make a moral judgment because of that. Mine is simply what do you want to do. If this is causing you pain and you want to make some changes, great, let’s look at that. But I also look at what’s the positive function of this substance. We have to address that or else you’d just end up ticked off. So what’s your decision.
Lastly, it’s just how do you feel now that you’ve made the decision. That’s it.
I wanted to really give you an example of what this could sound like. This is a letter written by a young person that saw when she was in custody. What happened to her is that her mom found her quite substantial stash of pot when she was at school, and when she got home a little early because she wasn’t feeling well, she found mom flushing it. So angrily she went over and punched mom repeatedly in the head. Now, it was about the third time in a year and a half she had assaulted her mom. Mom had had enough, so she charged he with assault causing her with bodily harm.
I saw this client when she was actually in custody. I want you to hear her words, and I want you to just kind of notice this format. She write … Know that every single client that writes these letters, I keep them in a file. They’re written anonymously. Just this one I remember. I keep a couple key words. Not the person’s not. But kind of keep a couple key words about that person’s situation coming in. But they’re all anonymous, and I have three files of letters to inspire clients just like you, to have their first step in looking at this issue.
She write, “Dear Pot, everyone around me keep saying we should never see each other again. I’m afraid to lose you because you make me happy inside, even if only for a short while. Sometimes I don’t understand how the people who claim to love me want to deprive me of you. When I first met you, I knew I never want you to be taken away. For the past couple of years, you’ve been my source of happiness. I can always turn to you when I was angry or sad. You have a way of making my word seem right and making me happy. I’m confused, though. How can you give me the world and take it away all at the same time. Being with you took my family life away. I’d do anything it took just to be with you. I often hurt others just to prove my loyalty to you. When I couldn’t be with you, I turned into another person, someone who steals and fights. I know this is going to be hard. Whenever there’s a problem, I want to run back to you. But I’m going to have to prove to myself I can be strong without you. So for now, goodbye, old friend.”
That was her words, her letter. She was 14 years old. You really see the insight with regards to the letter, and I hope that her words have inspired you to write your own letter. I find this an extremely useful exercise, just kind of understanding the addictive component a little bit, also understanding the function and highlighting the function that substance has had in your life, and ways on how to turn it around. Because without addressing this key component, you’ll just end up really frustrated.
That’s it. Thanks so much for joining me today. I hope that this has been helpful. With that, I wish you health in your journey to wellness. Thanks. Have a great day.