In Canada, 4 in 10 marriages end in divorce. As common as divorce is, no one expects that it will happen to them. 

Coping with divorce is no easy task, regardless of how long you have been married. Here are 7 crucial tips for how to deal with divorce. 

1. Stop Fighting With Your Ex

Once you are divorced, there is no reason why you and your ex should be fighting. If you’re still fighting, you’re still married through your anger. There’s no benefit to keeping an unhappy marriage alive. 

Yes, you may have bitter and resentful feelings towards your ex-spouse. But successfully coping with divorce means changing the relationship you have with your ex.

Outside of issues of co-parenting, your ex’s behavior does not impact you. You shouldn’t pay it any attention. You no longer have to get into the issue.

So next time, your ex makes a comment that you would have normally jumped on, take a breath and remind yourself that’s not my circus anymore.

2. Find Your Support Group

When you are struggling to figure out how to deal with divorce, the main thing you need is a group of supportive people who will let you explore your feelings by venting them.

This shouldn’t be your ex, your children or your colleagues. Talk to trusted friends, family members or a professional therapist. You may find divorce support groups helpful, too.

A big part of healing after a divorce is to process your emotions and move forward. You do that largely by talking it out, sometimes it can feel endless. 

Eventually, you will feel differently and realize how far you come.

 

3. Keep the Kids Out of it

It is so tempting to want the kids to be on your side. You may have to bite your tongue in order not to tell them all the reasons why their dad or mom is a no-good loser.

But that doesn’t help your children. Remember, your kids have half of your ex’s DNA. By criticizing him or her, you are finding fault with them.

Your kids shouldn’t be put in the middle. They should not have to go back and forth to communicate messages (or criticism).

Divorce is hard on the kids, too. What they need right now is for both of you to act like adults and provide a safe environment for them to be able to thrive in.

It isn’t possible to do that if you are constantly putting the kids in the middle.

Yes, it is excruciatingly hard sometimes. Yet, keeping quiet about your ex is the best way you can preserve your child’s relationship with his or her other parent. In 20 years, your kids will thank you.

 

4. Be Patient with Yourself

Dealing with divorce is largely about how you feel about yourself and how you treat yourself.

Though you may feel insecure, guilty or a hundred other emotions, you need to find a way to love yourself.

Though a divorce can potentially shatter your self-esteem, your job is to pick up those broken pieces and mend yourself.

Your divorce doesn’t define you. Yet, the way you deal with it can have a huge impact on the rest of your life. 

Let yourself mourn the end of your marriage without trying to force yourself to feel a certain way. Let each phase come and go as it needs to.

 

5. Practice Self Care

Coping with divorce is physically, emotionally and mentally challenging. No doubt you will feel drained and exhausted much of the time.

Whenever you feel like you are at the end of your rope, do something for yourself.

Do whatever makes you feel good about yourself. Whether that’s seeing a funny movie with a friend, getting a shampoo and blow-dry at the salon or taking a hot bath with a good book.

You deserve to take the time to soothe yourself. So go ahead and treat yourself. If you have kids, use the time when they are with their other parent or grandparents to focus on you.

Instead of doing laundry, go to the spa once in a while. Self-care doesn’t have to be expensive. It can be as simple as eating well and getting enough sleep each night. 

6. Avoid the Social Media Trap

Dealing with divorce means going through a period when you feel extremely low. Social media, with all its picture-perfect family photos and happy updates, can feel like a knife through the heart.

Worse still, social media may give you a glimpse into the life of your ex. You may find out things that you’re better off not knowing like that he or she went on a first date or is moving in with someone new.

If scrolling on social media makes you feel worse, then just stop. Delete the apps and turn to something else instead.

7. Focus on Things You Can Control

You can’t control what your ex says or does. You can’t control how your family, friends or kids will react. You also can’t control the legal system.

The only thing you can control when dealing with divorce is yourself.

As you work at it, you can learn to control your thoughts, your reactions, and your emotions. Then you are better able to manage the other things that go on around you. 

Pretty soon, you will be able to look at wedding photos and say RIP without the flood of anger, rage, or hurt that you felt in the early days of your divorce.

Final Word on Coping with Divorce

Maybe you’re wondering, how long does it take to get over a divorce? The truth is there is no one answer for everyone.

Just like there is no one reason why people get divorced in the first place. However, as you practice coping with divorce with the help of these 7 tips, you will be able to close the chapter of divorce and start a new chapter in your life.

Need to talk about it? Book an appointment today and take the first step on your journey to wellness.

Traumatic events happen daily. But you never know when one will impact you. According to Canada’s National Collision Database (NCDB), in 2017, 112,479 personal injury collisions occurred, and 9,960 survivors sustained severe injuries. 

Surviving a car crash changes a person forever. If the survivor retains memories of the incident, it can cause severe emotional damage.

The accident could replay over and over in the person’s mind hindering healing and moving forward.

Some frightening, painful, and disturbing experiences cause Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). But surviving a traumatic episode doesn’t guarantee you will develop PTSD. There are PTSD criteria to receive a diagnosis. 

Follow along as we discuss Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.

What Is PTSD?

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder is a “psychiatric disorder occurring in people who experienced or witnessed a traumatic event like an attack, natural disaster, combat, serious accident, unexpected death of a loved one and rape,” according to Psychiatry.org.

PTSD became known as “shell shock” during World War I and “combat fatigue” after World War II. After years of research, we know PTSD happens to other people besides military staff. 

Studies show that PTSD affects 3.5 percent of Americans and 9.2 percent of all Canadians will suffer from PTSD, according to psychiatry.org and ncbi.gov, respectively.

More alarming is that twice as many women develop PTSD than men. A link to sexual assault may be the cause of this discrepancy. Sexual assault causes more PTSD than any other event, according to The National Center for PTSD. 

Learning the signs of PTSD could help you get the treatment needed to start healing.

What Are The PTSD Criteria For Diagnosis?

According to the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH), Symptoms of PTSD start within three months of the traumatic event but can take longer to appear. The symptoms last for at least one month and distract focus from work, school, and relationships. 

The symptoms fall into four categories, such as:

• Intrusive thoughts
• Avoiding reminders
• Negative thoughts and feelings
• Arousal and reactive symptoms

It is common for the signs to show themselves after a few days of the traumatic experience. PTSD may occur with depression, substance abuse, memory loss, and other health issues.

But not everyone who endures a traumatic incident develops PTSD. Some will suffer from Acute Stress Disorder. The symptoms are similar to PTSD and last for three days and one month. Nearly half of the people with acute stress disorder will develop PTSD. 

Known treatments of acute stress disorder include psychotherapy and medication.

To receive a PTSD diagnosis, an adult must experience the following symptoms for at least one month, according to NIMH. 

• At least one re-experiencing symptom – flashbacks
• At least one avoidance symptom – staying away from places or people
• At least two arousal and reactivity symptoms – being easily startled
• At least two cognition and mood symptoms – loss of interest in activities

PTSD treatment methods include cognitive processing therapy, prolonged exposure therapy, group therapy, and medication.

People living with PTSD may not realize how their behavior changed since the traumatic episode. Sometimes those closest to them must discuss how the symptoms are impacting their life. 

Not everyone wants to attend therapy or go on medication. But learning the specific ways that PTSD impacts your life might persuade someone to seek help.

How Does PTSD Impact Your Life?

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder is more than a list of symptoms and treatments. People are living with a PTSD diagnosis that changes their lives and perception of reality. 

Living with PTSD presents an emotional burden for the patient, their friends, and family. The nightmares and flashbacks could happen at any time, which means focusing on and enjoying daily activities such as working, school, driving, and intimate relationships may not occur. 

When a person living with PTSD no longer wants to go out to specific locations and interact with people, this can isolate them and drive a rift in their relationships. Angry outbursts and blaming oneself might cause someone to lose their job or significant other if the person doesn’t seek treatment.

These symptoms of PTSD can impact a person who never experienced an event directly. Hearing details of a traumatic event for an extended period can cause PTSD. 

Professionals like social workers, paramedics, police officers, dispatch workers, and journalists are at risk of developing PTSD. 

A low socioeconomic and educational status and racism can lead to PTSD. 

PTSD occurs every day, but there is a way to work through the symptoms and begin to heal.

Get The Help You Need

Regardless of what people say or think there is no shame in mental illness. Mental illness affects millions of people. But you don’t need to suffer in silence. Deciding to seek professional help is the first step to gaining your life back.

With the advancements in therapy, people are receiving treatment and improving. There are many methods people use to make themselves feel whole again.

Individual therapy, group therapy, hypnosis, and life coach consultations may help someone dealing with a mental illness disorder like PTSD.

Although everyone is different, being open to receiving treatment is an essential element. No one can force a person to be ready.

Ready To Begin

If you believe you or someone you love matches the PTSD criteria, it’s time to get help. Picking up the phone to schedule an appointment takes courage. You should feel proud of yourself for choosing to end your suffering by seeking treatment. 

To learn more about my treatment of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, please click here.

Over 2 million children have been diagnosed with anxiety, with many occurrences happening specifically around back to school time.

Back to school anxiety can best be described as a combination of separation anxiety, social anxiety, and specific fears the child may have. But what causes this common form of anxiety and how can you, as a parent, bring it to a halt?

Read on for 7 important tips on how to prepare your child for that daunting first day and set them up for a thriving and successful year.

Causes of Back to School Anxiety

You know it well and have come to expect it. The tears, the meltdown, the deathlock grip around your leg during drop off time. You would think that after years of returning to school your child would be used to the drill.

The truth is, the anxiety isn’t caused by the school at all, rather from what comes with the school. While summer provides an important mental break that children need, it also gives time to reform strong connections and bonds with caregivers.

These bonds cause separation anxiety to occur when the child is suddenly faced with being disconnected from their caregiver.

That bonding time also tends to occur more with immediate family or friends the child knows well, and less time learning how to establish new friendships. As a result, the child is faced with social anxiety when it’s time to meet new children.

How to Help Your Child this School Year

If you’re dreading that first (and second, and third) morning in front of your child’s school, fear not. There are ways to help your child adapt before that first day comes along.

Try out the following tips to help your child acclimate to the first day back at school.

1. Spend More Time Out (Gradually)

Going from spending all day, every day with you to being separated for hours at a moments notice can feel like a real crisis to your child. Which is why it’s important to gradually adjust them to your absence.

Start by leaving them with a sitter for an hour. Explain where you’re going and the time you’ll be back. Gradually increase the time in half-hour increments. It’s important to always tell your child the time you’ll be returning and to be back by that time.

This will establish a trust that you’ll always return when you say you will, making separation anxiety less intense on the first day back to school.

2. Introduce Your Child to New Learning Experiences

If it’s your child’s first time going to school, they might not be aware of the fun that comes along with learning.

Introduce them to the joy of discovering new things with home learning activities, trips to the museum, and nature walks. Aim to use the word “learning” or “working” when doing these activities, so your child will understand that there’s similar fun awaiting them at school.

3. Make New Friends

Our children follow our lead and learn many of their own social cues from how we interact with others. Which is why it’s important for your child to see what it’s like to put yourself out there and make friends.

Feel free to be vulnerable with your child, it’s okay to let them know when you’re nervous to talk to someone for the first time, or when you find someone you think would make an interesting friend.

This tip works even better when you make a friend that has a child of a similar age, so your child has the opportunity to practice what they’ve observed.

4. Establish a Comfort Item

If your child is still showing signs of separation anxiety, it may help to have a comfort item in place. A comfort item is something small, familiar (and school-approved) that your child can take with them to remind them of home.

Often a small photo or a locket works as a great comfort item, as they tend to be school approved and allow your child to have a familiar face to look at when they need it.

5. Create an Open Dialogue

Part of school-related anxiety comes from your child not being able to express the feelings their experiencing. Even if your little one hasn’t developed the full vocabulary to voice what their feeling, talking about your own day with them will create the space to share what they can.

If you’re not at the point where your child is opening up conversationally, pay attention to how your child plays. Storytelling, pictures, and playing with dolls is a great way to get an idea of how your child views the world around them.

6. Start the Home Routine Early

We get it, it’s easy to get comfortable in the lull of summer vacation. However, going back to school is a big change and making to many changes at once is never easy.

Try getting back into the swing of your “home routine” 1-2 weeks before school starts. Re-establish a solid bedtime and waking up time, get back to bedtime stories, and even set up a snack basket.

The more your child can get used to before school begins, the easier it will be to adjust.

7. Talk with a Professional

If you find your child is still struggling with returning to school, and this struggle is occurring for months instead of weeks, it may be time to speak to a professional.

Anxiety could be difficult to express, and even harder to understand, which is why a professional approach can often help bridge the gap between parent and child.

Finding the Help You Need

If your child is struggling with back to school anxiety, and the tips above aren’t cutting it, it may be time to speak with a mental health professional.

Our professionals are here to help your child handle the big feelings they don’t quite understand yet, and to give you a better idea of the challenges they may be facing.

To speak with a mental health professional today, contact us for more information.

Each year, 1 in 5 Canadians experience mental health problems. By the age of 40, 1 in 2 people experience a mental health problem. And yet, it still remains a taboo subject.

Influential people are speaking out about the stigma of mental illness. The campaign strives to decrease the fear and misunderstanding surrounding it.

However, if the efforts stop at awareness campaigns, nothing changes. Everyone knows that mental illness exists. The hurdle becomes getting people to accept help.

Many obstacles still must be overcome. How does mental illness impact our jobs, military service, social networks, and family relations? Do people have financial access to mental healthcare?

The Stigma of Mental Illness Defined

Negative attitudes toward mental illness result in social distancing of an individual. This social distancing causes social isolation or loneliness. This worsens the individual’s well-being.

Social isolation, in turn, causes poor mental and physical health and even early death. People with mental health problems often recognize and internalize this stigma.

They develop a strong “self-stigma”. They become hopelessness leading to increased anxiety or depression.

A review of 22 studies found that the top barriers to mental illness care were embarrassment and fear of repercussions. Let’s look at some common mental illnesses.

Anxiety

A person with an anxiety disorder feels intense, ongoing worry or fear above the normal expected level every day. They often experience sudden episodes of intense anxiety, fear, or terror known as panic attacks.

These feelings are difficult to control and interfere with daily activities. The person may start avoiding places or events that elicit these feelings.

Common signs and symptoms of anxiety include:

• Difficulty concentrating
• Excessive worry
• Experiencing a feeling of oncoming danger, panic, or doom
• Feeling nervous, tense, or restless
• Feeling weak or tired
• Gastrointestinal problems
• Increased heart rate
• Problems sleeping
• Rapid breathing to the point of hyperventilation
• Sweating
• Trembling

If you think you may have an anxiety disorder, talk to your doctor. Treatment for anxiety disorders include:

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) focuses on changing how you react to events. You learn coping strategies. These tools help you decrease the beliefs and behaviors that lead to anxiety.

Exposure Response Prevention treats specific anxiety disorders like phobias or social anxiety. The treatment involves exposing the person to the fear with a support system.

You learn ways to decrease the anxiety response. Over time, the fears decrease. You become more confident using the coping strategies.

Medications such as anti-anxiety and antidepressant medication can help to reduce emotional and physical symptoms.

Complementary Management includes:

• Self-management strategies
• Stress and relaxation techniques
• Yoga
• Exercise

Don’t wait if your life is affected by anxiety. Get help and feel better.

Depression

Depression is more than feeling sad or having a rough time. This represents a serious mental health condition that needs medical care. If diagnosed early, treatment can help people feel better.

Some people only have one depressive time in their life. For most people, it occurs repeatedly and may last a few months to many years.

Signs and symptoms of depression include:

• Trouble sleeping
• Increased or decreased appetite
• Difficulty concentrating
• Lack of energy
• Loss of interest in normal activities
• Feeling hopeless or guilty
• Decreased activity
• Increased agitation
• Physical pain
• Suicidal thoughts

Treatment for depression may include:

• Cognitive-behavioral therapy
• Family-focused therapy
• Interpersonal therapy
• Medications such as antidepressants, mood stabilizers, and antipsychotics
• Exercise
• Brain stimulation therapies
• Light therapy
• Alternative approaches such as acupuncture, meditation, faith, and nutrition

Many advocates fighting against mental health stigmas suffer from anxiety and depression. Reach out for help.

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

PTSD describes a psychiatric disorder that can occur after a person experiences or witnesses a traumatic event. This could include a natural disaster, serious accident, terrorist act, combat/war, rape, or violent personal assault.

People with PTSD often describe extreme, disturbing thoughts or feelings related to the traumatic event. They may have flashbacks or nightmares about the event. They often avoid settings or people that remind them of their trauma.

Signs and Symptoms of PTSD include:

• Strong negative responses to ordinary events such as loud noises or an accidental touch
• Sadness
• Fear or anger
• Feeling separated from other people
• Negative feelings about themselves such as “I am a bad person” or “I can’t be trusted”

Many people know the term PTSD. However, they often think it only happens to combat veterans. PTSD can also occur in police officers, doctors, firemen, or nurses who repeatedly care for victims of violence.

Relationship Issues

Many individuals with a mental health condition feel reluctant to tell their significant other or potential dating partner. You should know that many people with serious mental conditions have strong, supportive, long-term relationships.

Good partners become valuable support when you have a rough time. If your partner does not stand beside you and help you, this may indicate a poor relationship. This does not reflect on you.

Often, a person chooses not to tell their partner for fear of rejection. If you want a long and healthy relationship, your partner needs to understand what you are experiencing. They can also be your biggest advocate and a source of strength for recovery.

Choose a time when you are not having symptoms to discuss your condition with your partner. Tell them what helps you during these times. Share with them the triggers for these feelings if you can identify them.

Mental illness can interfere with your sex life. Certain medications can decrease your desire for sexual intimacy. It can also impact your ability to have an erection or orgasm.

If you experienced sexual trauma, this may bring up feelings of fear, pain, or anger.

Talk to your therapist about your feelings related to sexual relations. You may wish to invite your partner to a therapy session.

This may help them gain a better understanding of the situation. Discuss ways to regain pleasure with intimacy.

Finding a Coach or Mentor

First, you must understand that you are not alone in your pain. You have people who are ready, willing, and able to help you feel better. That helps you realize this blessing:

“May all that has been reduced to noise in you become music again.” – David Teems

A coach or mentor should give you:

• Certainty
• Variety
• Significance
• Connection
• Growth
• Contribution beyond yourself

This ideal coach will push you out of your comfort zone and challenge you to contribute. They will help you feel more certain, more significant, and allow you to experience variety. And, allow you to feel a connection.

Let’s Take This Step Together

When you reach the time in your life when you want to take that helping hand and walk toward healing, we are here. Our website offers many videos to begin learning more about your pain and ways to heal. You can participate in training programs.

You can contact us to discuss our services and how they may benefit you. Learn more about our staff and watch videos today.

We are here for you. Let’s find a way to get past the stigma of mental illness together.