In Canada, 4 in 10 marriages end in divorce. As common as divorce is, no one expects that it will happen to them.
Coping with divorce is no easy task, regardless of how long you have been married. Here are 7 crucial tips for how to deal with divorce.
1. Stop Fighting With Your Ex
Once you are divorced, there is no reason why you and your ex should be fighting. If you’re still fighting, you’re still married through your anger. There’s no benefit to keeping an unhappy marriage alive.
Yes, you may have bitter and resentful feelings towards your ex-spouse. But successfully coping with divorce means changing the relationship you have with your ex.
Outside of issues of co-parenting, your ex’s behavior does not impact you. You shouldn’t pay it any attention. You no longer have to get into the issue.
So next time, your ex makes a comment that you would have normally jumped on, take a breath and remind yourself that’s not my circus anymore.
2. Find Your Support Group
When you are struggling to figure out how to deal with divorce, the main thing you need is a group of supportive people who will let you explore your feelings by venting them.
This shouldn’t be your ex, your children or your colleagues. Talk to trusted friends, family members or a professional therapist. You may find divorce support groups helpful, too.
A big part of healing after a divorce is to process your emotions and move forward. You do that largely by talking it out, sometimes it can feel endless.
Eventually, you will feel differently and realize how far you come.
3. Keep the Kids Out of it
It is so tempting to want the kids to be on your side. You may have to bite your tongue in order not to tell them all the reasons why their dad or mom is a no-good loser.
But that doesn’t help your children. Remember, your kids have half of your ex’s DNA. By criticizing him or her, you are finding fault with them.
Your kids shouldn’t be put in the middle. They should not have to go back and forth to communicate messages (or criticism).
Divorce is hard on the kids, too. What they need right now is for both of you to act like adults and provide a safe environment for them to be able to thrive in.
It isn’t possible to do that if you are constantly putting the kids in the middle.
Yes, it is excruciatingly hard sometimes. Yet, keeping quiet about your ex is the best way you can preserve your child’s relationship with his or her other parent. In 20 years, your kids will thank you.
4. Be Patient with Yourself
Dealing with divorce is largely about how you feel about yourself and how you treat yourself.
Though you may feel insecure, guilty or a hundred other emotions, you need to find a way to love yourself.
Though a divorce can potentially shatter your self-esteem, your job is to pick up those broken pieces and mend yourself.
Your divorce doesn’t define you. Yet, the way you deal with it can have a huge impact on the rest of your life.
Let yourself mourn the end of your marriage without trying to force yourself to feel a certain way. Let each phase come and go as it needs to.
5. Practice Self Care
Coping with divorce is physically, emotionally and mentally challenging. No doubt you will feel drained and exhausted much of the time.
Whenever you feel like you are at the end of your rope, do something for yourself.
Do whatever makes you feel good about yourself. Whether that’s seeing a funny movie with a friend, getting a shampoo and blow-dry at the salon or taking a hot bath with a good book.
You deserve to take the time to soothe yourself. So go ahead and treat yourself. If you have kids, use the time when they are with their other parent or grandparents to focus on you.
Instead of doing laundry, go to the spa once in a while. Self-care doesn’t have to be expensive. It can be as simple as eating well and getting enough sleep each night.
6. Avoid the Social Media Trap
Dealing with divorce means going through a period when you feel extremely low. Social media, with all its picture-perfect family photos and happy updates, can feel like a knife through the heart.
Worse still, social media may give you a glimpse into the life of your ex. You may find out things that you’re better off not knowing like that he or she went on a first date or is moving in with someone new.
If scrolling on social media makes you feel worse, then just stop. Delete the apps and turn to something else instead.
7. Focus on Things You Can Control
You can’t control what your ex says or does. You can’t control how your family, friends or kids will react. You also can’t control the legal system.
The only thing you can control when dealing with divorce is yourself.
As you work at it, you can learn to control your thoughts, your reactions, and your emotions. Then you are better able to manage the other things that go on around you.
Pretty soon, you will be able to look at wedding photos and say RIP without the flood of anger, rage, or hurt that you felt in the early days of your divorce.
Final Word on Coping with Divorce
Maybe you’re wondering, how long does it take to get over a divorce? The truth is there is no one answer for everyone.
Just like there is no one reason why people get divorced in the first place. However, as you practice coping with divorce with the help of these 7 tips, you will be able to close the chapter of divorce and start a new chapter in your life.
Need to talk about it? Book an appointment today and take the first step on your journey to wellness.